MADDY, an unwed, lippy Aussie with absolutely no maternal instincts, is having a difficult time adjusting to motherhood. After a failed attempt at reconciling with ALEX, her ex-lover and father of her six-week old child, she visits her best friend GILLIAN. Gillian prides herself on looking fabulous for her age, using rich mens credit cards and getting by without working a day in her life. That is until she learns that the police are after her for credit card fraud.
Meanwhile, Maddy is shopping at Harrods when her lactating breasts start to ache. In sudden desperation, she slips a bag of frozen peas into her bra. Relieved she quickly leaves the store and is arrested for shoplifting. Not only do the police disregard her explanation, but they suspect that she is part of an Australian crime ring. Sent to prison with BABY JACK in tow, things go from bad to worse when Maddy’s lawyer, PEREGRINE, tries to demand sex for his efforts. Her fellow inmates tell her one sure way out is to fall on the mercy of DWINA PHELPS, the psychotherepist. Dwina runs a side business, apparantly helping couples adopt. After ‘counselling’ a distraught Maddy, Dwina cons her into signing Jack away for adoption. Fortunately, Gillian arrives for a visit and is able to smuggle Jack out in a handbag. That night, Maddy escapes from the prison cleverly disguised as Dwina Phelps. When Maddy can’t find Gillian, she turns to Alex. Alex makes passionate love to Maddy but refuses to help her in any way. Finding a kinky video of Alex, a woman and a donkey, Maddy decides to get even…
Meanwhile Gillian, with her financial pressures mounting after failing to make money off Jack as a baby model, decides to become a high-priced callgirl. Knowing that a baby will cramp her style, she attempts to leave Jack behind at a hotel, but can’t go through with it. Instead she transforms into the ideal mother by showing Jack to JOHN, a former lover and politician who provides plenty of money and a house in the suburbs.
With Dwina pursuing her, Maddy finds her way to LADY DRAKE, Alex’s mother, and tells her about Alex’s illegitimate son. Maddy finally catches up with Gillian and is surprised by the matronly change in her friend. Not far behind is Alex, who has come to convince Maddy and Gillian to give up the baby. While he distracts them, Dwina snatches the the baby. Gillian and Maddy get Jack back and turn to Lady Drake, threatening to release Alex’s donkey video if she doesn’t help Maddy flee England. Lady Drake agrees, but only because she fears that Jack, if left in England, will grow up boring and idle like her son Alex. Maddy sails back to Austrailia to her dear ole mum…and a budding romance with the ships skipper!