"After anticipating a fulfilling, kinky adaptation, it’s a shame 50 Shades of Grey turns out to be a one hell of an anticlimax"

Sorry everybody (ladies especially), but Fifty Shades of Grey should be re-titled 100 Shades of Terrible. I was in the mood for a fun romp about a young girl who meets a successful and seductive businessman (with the bonus of some steamy sex scenes, of course), but this was not the case.

E.L. James’ erotic adaptation is pretty darn awful. No-one can blame me for not being in the right frame of mind for the cinema either; generally, I was feeling positive and out for the evening with my girlfriends. I was really up for seeing what I thought would be a good, if not better-than-average, film.

Unfortunately, Fifty Shades of Grey is about two people who have zero chemistry and the sex is about as sensual as throwing a log of wood on the road. There are, however, a few positives: the sets and art direction are well-crafted and pleasing, creating good ambiance. The music fits well and remains well-paced, too.

This is the movie that will make (or possibly break) the careers of its two lead actors; both relative unknowns who are now, for better or worse, enormous stars. Dakota Johnson acquits herself very well; she lends Ana a tremulous charm but also a feisty spirit that suggests she won't give in unless she really wants to. Everything about the tale is a tough line to walk, particularly for her character, but Johnson navigates her way effectively through her copious nude scenes and clunky dialogue. Jamie Dornan doesn't fare as well. Perhaps he was never comfortable with what he's dubbed "heinous" sex scenes, but he's an almost magnificently blank presence here, both in and out of the bedroom. He's so stiff -- and not in the naughty way -- he appears dead inside. That might be intentional, to some extent, given Christian's stubbornly closed-off nature in the novel, yet it means he never quite conjures up the desired chemistry with Johnson.

Although I really dislike FFifty Shades of Grey, I’ll no doubt give it another go one day, but feel it’s perhaps better ‘enjoyed’ at home -- a cinema full of hysterical women doesn’t particularly help give it any depth.

After anticipating a fulfilling, kinky adaptation, it’s a shame 50 Shades of Grey turns out to be a one hell of an anticlimax.